It is a well known fact that IB students (the acronym is IBS, which also means Irritable Bowel Syndrome due to the amount of BS that the IB student will produce on the daily) do not get much sleep, if any at all. If you are in IB, and you are getting sleep, you fall under one of these categories: (1) You are a liar, (2) You are a junior, or (3) You do not procrastinate. If you fall under option 3, you are a liar because everyone in IB is a procrastinator.

   But why do these IB students never get sleep? Is it because of the time, dedication, and commensurate effort they put into their work? Is it because of the insurmountable “smh” among the IB students, the “so much homework?” No. It is all the fault of the ASMR that goes on during school.

   For those of you who do not know, ASMR is short for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, but for those of you who do not want to deal with complicated vocab, it is a series of different sounds, or triggers, that supposedly make it easier for a person to fall asleep. Most of the triggers are auditory, but some are visual. Common triggers include whispering, tapping, and crinkling sounds, all of which are prevalent in IB. While this exists in every class, no teacher is as proficient in ASMR as Dr. Reti.

   To start with, history classes in general have an innate boredom that just comes with the title. Add to the fact that Dr. Reti turns off the lights in class and then the hand motions that Dr. Reti makes when he teaches. The waving of those arms is hypnotic, capable of putting the most alert person in class in a trance-like state. It is almost as if he wants his class to fall asleep. The nail in the coffin is this: Dr. Reti has one of, if not the most, soothing voices of any teacher at school. His voice is a universal ASMR trigger, and it puts everyone to sleep faster than Conor McGregor knocked out Jose Aldo. Dr. Reti has realized this hypnotic ASMR effect of his teaching, and so he has a stash of caffeinated black tea ready to keep students awake, but to no avail…

  Do not let this article distract you from the fact that Hillary Clinton blew a 55 electoral vote lead in the election.