Casey Swafford’s Top Five Countries


Picture by Matthew Chartier

Spain, Iraq, France, Switzerland, Laos, and Germany. These are all countries in this fun, little place known as Earth. However, they are not the best of the best. Countries have shaped the face of the Earth in many ways, but have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “Huh… I wonder which countries in the world are the best countries?” Well, congrats kids, because you have stumbled upon Casey Swafford’s Top Five Countries list, which has the answers to all your country rating-related questions. So buckle up children because this is going to be one crazy ride.

Number 5: Syria
Now, before you leave and say that I am full of nonsense, hear me out. When you search Syria in Google Images, what do you see besides the destroyed buildings, crying children, and warfare? If you scroll down for a long enough period of time, you would see a picture here or there that would show off Syria’s beautiful, dirty country. If you explore enough of Syria, you will eventually find a building that is not in ruins. Let me tell you, when you do, it is a sight to behold. Syrian architecture is just an absolute beauty, and you can see some of it in Google Images, nice real estate catalogs from Syria, and also if you look closely in each picture you can see Vladimir Putin himself riding his horse shirtless in the background. Syria is a beautiful country with absolutely great, friendly radical Islamists, which is why Syria is number five on this list.

Number 4: North Korea
Kim Jong Un is the coolest dictator to ever live. Would you like to know how I know? I went to his palace and interviewed him with my pal Seth Rogen; he is actually a big softy. While I was there, he even showed me a nice grocery store with a fat kid in front of it, which completely debunks the whole starving citizens rumor. Kim Jong Un is a cool dude and showed me a great time while I was in North Korea, which is why I give North Korea number four.

Number 3: Austria
To be honest, the only reason Austria is here is purely because Arnold Schwarzenegger is from there. That is it.

Number 2: Chad
Now, when you look past the immense immigration, lack of water, extreme poverty, and high death rate, Chad is actually a pretty neat country. Just look at the flag; when I look at it I see a country that has spirit. Also, as it turns out, Chad is pretty important. Located within is the Chad lake, which is the water source which provides water to almost all of central Africa. Oh wait, I just read the lake is empty now. Okay, Chad is still great. Get off my back.

Number 1: Djibouti
This country is without a doubt the world’s greatest country. Besides the little fact that it is only known for its illegal sex trafficking, Djibouti is one heck of a place to live. It is a place that has it all: French and Arabic speakers that are not killing each other, kayaking, and five star hotels. If you do not believe me, check – it is all legit. Djibouti is the number one place to have fun, and is the number one country on my list.