Starting a new school year is always difficult. It’s time to start getting up early AGAIN, stress about assignments and due dates AGAIN, and contact a witch who can transform you back from the nocturnal bat you have become over the past few months AGAIN. It all seems like too much work, which is why I will give you some tips and tricks on how to start the 2017-2018 school year off right.

My first piece of advice is to stop trying. By the third week, you’ll be showing up in the clothes you had worn to bed with exactly 0% of your homework done. Trying will just make you feel bad about becoming so lazy so quickly. Obviously, the best option is to wake up already knowing that you are not going to get anything done and that you will look horrible while doing it.

You also need to realize that you may have to teach yourself in one or more of your classes, so you better start buying those AP study guides or making deals with the devil to help you pass the class because you’re going to need all the help you can get.

BRING FOOD. I really cannot stress this point enough. You have no idea how many days I have forgotten to take a lunch to school with me and ended up looking like Ren from the cartoon series Ren and Stimpy. And trust me, no one wants to look like Ren.

My next point should be obvious, but not a year has gone by where I haven’t noticed this phenomenon. STOP BLASTING YOUR MUSIC DURING PASSING PERIOD AND LUNCH. No one is begging you to play your favorite trap song on repeat through your tricked out speaker backpack. There are these wondrous things, which I doubt you have ever heard of, called earbuds. Apparently, you put them in your ears and connect them to your music-playing device, and they allow for personal listening! Wow, has technology progressed or what?

Lastly, do not do IB. Just don’t do it. Why let your soul slowly drain from your body?

Of course, these are all my opinions and do not need to be followed, but it might be a good idea if you don’t want to be hated not only by your fellow students, but by yourself. Happy new school year everybody, and good luck in your endeavors.