Ah, so it’s that time of the year… ASB Instagram stories galore. Desperately yet effectively advertising annual Kindness Week in mass, a bittersweet occasion. It seemed like such a feat of greatness by ASB when I was in my freshman year. I mean, I love that they do it every year, and I truly believe that they should continue to do it annually, but I have a few points of critique. Every day of Kindness Week, I feel a creeping feeling of anxiety and impending doom as I walk past the Gargantuan sign that says K I N D (Seen in the thumbnail above). Dude, that thing is like six-foot-one and has some serious surface area on it. Have you seen the size of our freshman? The poor little mongrels would get absolutely crushed by the command of a slight breeze if it topples over the kind sign. Not so kind now, huh? Better yet, the slight breeze combined with their infamous running to get to first period (even though they’re completely on time) will carry the freshman like paper planes on an eternal journey into the cosmos.

The whole notion of Kindness Week is to perform acts of kindness you wouldn’t do on a normal day. Or rather, to encourage and advocate for more overall everyday kindness?

 ASB encourages all four respective classes with a reward for coordinating certain colors on the different days of Kindness Week and posting it on Instagram with the allotted hashtag. When you think about it, these methods are scientifically flawless as brainwashing techniques that utilize a pavlovian response and 5 GHz WiFi waves to reprogram us into one hivemind of students, or tools rather, ready to be used at ASB’s disposal. I see that the only possible solution is to break off into independent states formed by individual classes and write a constitution, declaring our independence from ASB. We must form a nation of united classes with individual rights and dissolve all political ties with ASB. We must intercept one of their art supply shipments, and immediately dispose of it to send them a message. From that day forward, we shall call it: The Palmdale Paint Party. Oh god, AP US History is getting to my brain. Anyways, enjoy your Kindness Week and be nice, I guess.