The 3rd amendment is an injustice to our great American heroes. It is an outdated law that King Henry enforced on the common people. When you see a homeless veteran on the street, know that it’s because of King Henry. Thousands of soldiers enlist in the military, and none can return to their families. So I reached out to one of these poor souls, and here is the interview.
Hello, Mr. Saul Dier, how does this amendment affect you and your family?
“Well, when I enlisted in 1960 during Vietnam, I was expected compensation after my term was up. Of course, they never told any of us about this amendment, so when I came home to find I couldn’t enter my own house, I was devastated. My wife tried to pull me in for a hug, but no matter what, I couldn’t enter. I have been living on my own front lawn for 16 years now.”
That story was so terribly tragic that I had to figure out why our founding fathers did this to us. Which is why I interviewed the real George Washington.
George, why did you doom your future Americans?
“AHHHHHHAHHHHAHHH HE WILL RISE HE WILL RISE DONT LET THEM IN DON’T, DON’T DOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNT.”
My interview with George told a lot, especially when he was mumbling about “The Wretched One,” but I got the sense I was missing a piece of the puzzle, so I interviewed one of the founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson.
Thomas, why did you forsake us?
“Well, I thought the only way to win the war with Britain was to sacrifice 100 newborn children to Yarma. When that didn’t work, we sacrificed 200. After that, we came to the natural assumption that sacrificing newborns didn’t work, so we sacrificed 300 elderly. Then, I decided to talk to Yarma myself. It said that the only way is to cast a curse on every American soldier, forcing them to never enter someone’s domain.”
Thank you, Thomas, but I have to ask, where can I find this Yarma?
“We created a portal to him under a giant spike, in D.C.”
I traveled to the Washington Monument, where I mentioned Yarma, and was able to enter the portal.
Yarma, is there any way to destroy the curse on American soldiers?
“No.” Please? “No.” What if I sacrifice 500 newborns? “No.” Pretty please? “No.” How about all of humanity ceasing to exist in 100 years, for the curse to be broken? “Ok.”
I was able to negotiate a deal with the inconceivable being, and now you can enter a building and see an American soldier inside.
