Trump vs. Obama: The Heated Clash


Picture by Matthew Chartier

   On January 20th, 2017, the fate of the United States of America changed entirely. Tired of Donald Trump’s antics, reigning Duel Monsters champion and previous President of the United States, Barack Obama, challenged Trump to a duel. The stakes? Why, the right to sit on the White House throne and rule over the country of course!

   The heated clash began on November 6th, 2016, when Obama told Trump to duel him above the White House Tournament Center, stating that Trump could never beat his democratic deck. Placing his faith in the deck he received from his grandfather, Trump responded with a resounding “It’s time to D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!” as the two sat together, ready to immerse themselves into a children’s card game.

   “I place Hillary Clinton and Bernard Sanders in attack mode,” said Obama, “and play one card face down to end my turn.”

   “I play GOP Elephant in defense mode,” said Donald Trump in retaliation.

   “You will never beat me with that pathetic card,” Obama responded.

   “Maybe so. But when I fuse it with my Blue-Eyes White Dragon, I can call forth the awesome might of my Blue-Eyes White Supremacy!”

   And so, the battle continued as such for a lengthy period of time, and only really showed any difference when Obama played his face down trap card, Rigged Primary. The card allowed him to sacrifice Bernie Sanders to temporarily add attack points to Hillary Clinton.

   Obama retaliated, “That activates my trap card, Black Lives Matter! It decreases the attack of your Blue-Eyes White Supremacy by 1000! Hillary Clinton, destroy his Blue-Eyes White Supremacy!”

   Critics say that this move could have costed Obama the match. By sacrificing Bernard Sanders here, potentially one of the best cards in the game, he could potentially lose all hope of winning.

   Trump did not falter. “I summon my African-American Magician and take down your Hillary Clinton.”

   Obama began summoning his monsters as rapidly as possible, and this irritated Trump. “Obama is not sending his best cards. His cards are bringing drugs, they are bringing crime, and they are rapists. And some of them, I assume, are good cards.” A few more turns and Trump decided to play his US-Mexico Wall, in defense mode.

   However, it was no match for Barack Obama’s clever scheme. “I summon Joe Biden in attack mode, and pair him with Medal of Freedom to increase his attack points by 1000. Then, I combine him with the power of the internet, Bromance, to create Biden Memes. Biden Memes, destroy his US-Mexico Wall!”

   Trump was on his last limb, but secretly, he was assembling his ace in the hole, his trump card.

   “Draw your last pathetic card, Donald!” yelled Obama.

   “My grandfather’s deck has no pathetic cards! But it does have THIS! THE UNSTOPPABLE JULIAN ASSANGE!”

   “IMPOSSIBLE! No one has ever been able to summon THAT before!”

   “Assange, LEAK THE EMAILS!”


   Obama was defeated, forced to give up the White House throne to Donald Trump, the new Duel Monsters champion. The new President of the United States of America.