Top 8 Things To Do After You Graduate


Picture by Matthew Chartier

Once someone graduates, they face something big, something completely awful. This horror is known as adulthood. You’re now out of school, and have your whole life ahead of you. What are you possibly going to do next? This question can absolutely crush the weak-minded, but do not worry, you will soon graduate. I have a list that will give you plenty of ideas on how to start your new life. So buckle up you poor lost soul because I’m about to tell you how to start your new life, and it won’t be with 1-800 Get Thin.

Number 8

One of the first things you are told as a little kid is to not look at the sun. However, now that you are an adult, you can do whatever you want! So, I say one of the first things you should do is just go outside and stare at the sun. Just grab a nice drink, go and sit outside, and stare at that big ol’ ball of fire for a couple of hours. Think of it as an act of defiance to your parents, knowing that you are an adult who can do what you want now.

Number 7

Since you are starting your life, you are going to need lots of money. So, I suggest you start stealing money from your local stores and joggers. Over time, if you do not get caught, the money will add up, and you will be able to pay for that sweet college tuition.

Number 6

If you are bored and want to find meaning in your life, you should start a cult! Starting a cult will not only be fun, but also completely hilarious to see people fall for the complete baloney you feed them. Tell them you are the reincarnation of Genghis Khan and you need to reconquer Eurasia, or tell them that you are God and that anyone who follows you will be granted instant access to Heaven. Do whatever your heart desires and go prank some idiots.  

Number 5  

Go to college and pursue a higher education…. Ha! Nope, I am just kidding. Don’t do that; it is a waste of time. Go do something productive.

Number 4

Become a professional Roblox youtuber! This form of entertainment is only getting more popular, and by making videos strictly about Roblox, you will have guaranteed success. Also, to boost that view count, make sure to play with a fidget spinner at least for a total of five minutes during the video. This will reel in those viewers.

Number 3

One pesky thing that has caused countless amounts of bloodshed and violence is racism. By stopping it, you will be practically a hero and will be paraded around the world as a Martin Luther King Jr. 2.0. However, solving racism could be tricky, so be ready for a very tough road.

Number 2

Curl up into a ball and refuse to leave your parents’ house. Hey, a free room and three meals a day is pretty hard to beat, ok? Don’t judge, you don’t know me.

Number 1

Nothing, do not do anything. Curl up into a ball and refuse to become an adult. Life is hard, man. Who wants to deal with that? So just lay on the floor in a ball and refuse all the responsibilities of life that you now have. That is truly the best thing to do after you graduate from high school.