Text Torrent: Kim Jong-un vs. Donald Trump

Text Torrent: Kim Jong-un vs. Donald Trump

Picture by NY Daily News

We all know that there has been much discord between our good ol’ president, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong-un. However, no one is sure how either of the leaders will handle their differences, which is why I am here. Obviously, bombing each other to Hell isn’t the best solution, unless you’re into that. But that is a whole other thing. The plan I’m proposing will  ensure America’s victory over North Korea without decimating everything we know and love. Without further ado, here is my proposal: a rap battle.

Yes, you read that correctly. There has been no typo made, and, in case you were concerned, your eyes are just fine. The best solution to lessen the tension between two feuding countries would be to have them throw down (verbally, of course).

The battle would take place in South Africa for the sole reason that Die Antwoord started in Cape Town. Alongside the group mentioned before, other legendary rappers and hip-hop artists such as Nicki Minaj should attend and judge the competition. There would be barricades around the two for security reasons and so no one gets spit on. There will be only one battle with two rounds, both 60 seconds each.

To determine who goes first, we’ll flip a coin, assuming that the two leaders will not start arguing after the toss and immediately calling it “rigged” or “fake.” Both will be rapping on a beat created with a random sound generator, because why not? All of what is said must be freestyle, which won’t be hard for either as they both seem to be very…impromptu.

A rather big factor in all of this is the language barrier, but see, that’s the point. Neither of the two will understand the other. Their inflated egos, however, will make them believe that they are winning the competition. At the end, the winner of the competition will be made vague, either by having it be announced in yet another language or something to that extent. I would imagine that since Trump and Kim Jong-un seem to live by the belief that you cannot trust anyone, they will not look to others for translation, assuming that they were champion. The satisfaction in “beating” the other will calm hostility between the two nations, and therefore stop the potential missile crisis.

If this works, which it will, the next step would be to add this directly into the U.S. Constitution, preventing future conflicts such as this through means of spitting fire. Here is my proposal for the new addition to the Constitution: “If any two or more nations are not in concurrence and war is imminent, those nations are subject to the esteemed contest of  ‘spitting fire’ in order to ease tensions. Whomever wins this contest receives a trophy worth the amount equal to $5,000,000 in American currency.” As you can see, this plan is revolutionary and will ensure peace between the United States and any country for all of time.