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The Ubiquity

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The Real Cause of the Recent Natural Disasters

Picture by Cody Wilson

Picture by Cody Wilson

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Natural disasters have been striking the world seemingly all at once. You hear about one hurricane, and the next day, there are two more. Those are followed with an earthquake and volcanic tremors. We all know that these events are, well, natural, but there has to be a reason for their sudden occurrence other than tectonic plates.

As curiosity is part of our human nature, I have been searching for an answer to this. I’ve thought long and hard about this, and I have spent countless days and nights pondering plausible explanations for these tragedies. And then, it struck me. There can only be one plausible answer: God is angry at Netflix for unjustly taking off all of the good shows and movies, and is now releasing his wrath upon this wretched world.

It is true that God (referred to as He/Him in this article to avoid Christian slander) could just subscribe to another website such as Hulu. Hulu currently has a far better selection, but He’s much too lazy to delete his existing Netflix account. Instead, He has decided to take His anger out on the world all at once, hoping that someone will notice His wrath and take charge of the situation. However, these cries for help are going unnoticed, only making Him more angry.

He also realizes that He could just add to the Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt not take good movies and shows off of Netflix and replace them with mediocre content that no one cares about.” But, he’s not Marty McFly, though God wishes he was. Actually, let’s be real here, we all do.

The only way to get these natural disasters to cease is to give the man what he wants, and *ahem* we are all looking at you, Netflix. There is absolutely NO reason for quality films to be removed from the site, and even God won’t stand for this nonsense anymore. We must rise to the occasion and take back what is ours! We should also do it to spare our fellow man from earthquakes, hurricanes, and whatever. But most importantly for our entertainment’s sake!

With this information at our disposal, the future is in our hands. Netflix must keep quality content on their site or else we all suffer the consequences, which is much more than just a bad movie. And with that, my final words to you, Netflix, are: What would Jesus do?

 

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The student news site of Quartz Hill High School
The Real Cause of the Recent Natural Disasters