I remember it like it was only a couple weeks back, because it was, mind you. As if I would remember anything before that. The day was looking up seeing as I had woken up with full energy and no worries of procrastinated homework in my mind. I opened the weather app to the beautiful sight of sunny temperatures all day and seemingly no natural disasters in sight. I felt good, man. Then, not to be cliche, but it all went downhill from there.

Before I begin my tale of tragedy, it is important to note that the entirety of QHHS is on a slope causing all the rain to gather in focal areas and remain like discarded gum. Pretty much anywhere in the school is downhill or just flat, which also nicely describes the emotion it evokes from its students. Anyways, here I was, ready to go to school with a good attitude and a pretty tight fit to match. Then I saw a cloud the color of Stalin’s tombstone shaped like a middle finger directed towards me saying f**** you.

I honestly don’t know why I put asterisks there in the first place. It spells out “frick,” people, count those letters up. Anyhow, there I was looking at my day slowly crumble before my eyes. So much hope gone in a mere amount of seconds. Good thing we were doing poetry in English that day so I could have a platform to release my inner angst on my fellow classmates.

So, I began thinking while trudging through the endless swamps and puddles of Quartz Hill High. I thought to myself, “Why do our quads flood like the tears of the staff when a no-students day is announced and they have to stay at school to do paperwork?” After meditating on it with a bowl of soggy pepperbellys on the bench beside me, it suddenly came to me.

How had I been so blind all this time? Father Chinchak had told me it was coming. I was a fool not to believe him. I bet he’s laughing at all of us now wherever he may be. He’s not dead, I just heard he went on a vacation with the family. I remember his exact words, “Lol, bro, I swear if Elon Musk makes memes instead of rockets, bro, the rain gods are totally coming for us. Bet.” A truly wise man. I hastily checked Elon Musk’s twitter. As I scrolled through his timeline, what I feared had become true.

There, Musky was posting #relatable “Nuclear alien UFO from North Korea,” Don’t believe me? Check his feed on December 17. I panicked and rain danced till my legs were hurting to no avail. It was over. My perfect day was destroyed and I was itching to punch something sentient and soft.

All because of Elon Musk. I waited in the rain after school in despair of my wasted day. Honestly, I was probably waiting for the sweet release of death more than my ride home. I was just surrounded by an aura of anger and curiosity as to how fast the new Tesla Roadster’s 0-60 time was (just found out it was 2.9 seconds, sheesh). As lowly peasants conversed with one another around me, I made my plans to commit homicide on the AV’s weather gods. I mean, they can’t be that strong considering they were put in charge of the AV. I held that thought as my parental unit pulled into the parking lot to pick me up. I was greeted with Panda Express as I closed the car door behind me. My day was okay, I guess.