Having trouble getting out of bed for school?  

Just get ready in bed, fall back asleep, and then arrive at school two hours late. Everyone has a little trouble getting up for school now and then, especially for those who had a busy night planning for the modern proletariat revolution. For most, it’s everyday. So why not have everything you need to get ready for school prepared for you in bed? This way you won’t have to get out of bed until the last possible minute when you need to leave.

Too much homework that you really don’t want to do?

Just turn in re-titled notes from six months ago. This can work if you compose your notes like the homework. This means you’ll finish all your work for class, in class.

Bored in class?

Appear to be concentrating really hard, while actually writing a modern form of the Communist Manifesto. Your teacher will not suspect that you’re not actually paying attention, which will make it less likely for them to call on you or check on what you’re doing. If you are caught, however, the teacher will take one glance at the paper, and approve of your contributions to Mother Russia.

Having trouble falling asleep on a school night?

Imagine attending yet another dull session of your most boring class. Now imagine yourself taking advantage of that boredom by catching up on lost sleep from a tedious schedule. Your teacher certainly won’t mind. Just don’t dream to deeply, or you will find yourself dreaming about the unfortunate demise of the great Soviet Union.

Phone running out of battery?

Get it taken away so that you forget about using it and save battery. Your teacher is only trying to help you pay attention, but they probably didn’t know that they’re also helping you by saving your phone’s battery.

Teacher calls on you when you are not paying attention?

Confidently answer whatever comes to mind. If that happens to be the entire Declaration of Independence word for word, so be it.  He or she will most likely correct you and answer the question themselves. Confidence is the key. They’ll figure you are at least listening, and will let you off the hook.

Tired of being stuck in one of your classes?

Paint your eyelids white with a black dot in the middle, complete with painted on long lashes. The teacher will think you’re paying close attention. They might feel a little intimidated by your lack of blinking, but now you can rest your eyes and dream of your preferred method of conquering the world during the entire class period.

Just remembered it’s Thursday and lost your motivation for the whole day?

Imagine it’s Friday and you’ll get two Friday’s a week. It’s the best way to get through your day. Start telling your friends it’s actually Friday, and they will instantly feel better too. It’ll make waiting for the weekend much more effortless.

*Disclaimer: This article does not endorse a totalitarian regime, nor promote communism. It is merely satire.*