Clubs That Failed to Meet the Golden Standard


Picture by Ashhab Ibrahim

By Ashhab Ibrahim, Assistant Editor

We’ve all heard of the cliché stories of clubs that made it through the cracks, despite all odds being stacked against them. Well, that’s fake. Get over it. The reason I’m here is to tell you about the clubs that were just unstructured whims that couldn’t garner enough appeal to pave their way towards the club hall of fame. We’re talking whole clubs dedicated to the subgenres of the subgenres of other more popular clubs. We’re talking Frito Lay Chip Enthusiasts, Post Fundraiser Clean Up Club, or even a club entirely dedicated to cleaning up after imaginary fundraising events. Here’s a top five list of clubs that didn’t meet the standard, even though they were all innovative in their own way.

Water Club

I mean, they don’t really do fundraisers or anything. They just kind of like water, I guess. I think that’s all. Stay hydrated, kids.

Cotton Club

This is for enthusiasts of all things cotton. From fabric to cotton swabs, they’re all for it. Their motto “soft lovers unite” is printed in large fluffy text on their polyester blend club shirts.

Lava Lamp Club

Lovers of the warm wax and alcohol, these renegades are the main reason for QHHS electricity bills. Their meetings last for about six hours as they have to wait for the lamp to heat up. I’m sure those convection currents are worth the wait.

4th Wall Breaking Club

For people looking to completely go against the rules. Like me. It’s a pretty cool club actually. You just mess with people all day. Why am I doing this? I’m so sorry (not really heh).

I’m Tired of Turning Things Around Me into Clubs Club

I’m Tired of Turning Things Around Me into Clubs Club (End My Suffering for short) is for people tasked with creating satirical lists of clubs that don’t exist, and probably shouldn’t, but would be a little funny if they did. I don’t know how this one isn’t a smash hit with the kids.