For as long as I can remember, our student textbook provider, Mcdougal Littell, has been trying their hand at overthrowing our current government to make room for their new totalitarian fascist regime.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “How much sugar did you put in your frosted flakes this morning?” or, “What traumatic family experience led you to such delusions?” But, what you really need to be asking is: “O’ glorious oracle, with your divine power, what signs do you see concerning our fate and Mcdougal Littell?” See, that’s more like it.

It’s pretty obvious when you look into things like their branding and their potential power to brainwash the youth. For example, look at the way they are set up. They got into the business of passing information so they can slip their agenda into your everyday reading and learning. However, it has to be partially truthful to bait in the weak minded. Mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. At this point though, I have ascended the level of mere plebeians and have been able to see through this book provider’s Hitler lies. There is no way these bad guys are going to convince me that the earth is round. If it were, there would be no way we could live in a house, due to the fact that it would just tip over at any given moment and fall all the way to the south pole, instantly killing you. Flat-Earthers: 1, Stupid Round Earth Frickers: 0.

   They pull you in with their looks, hook you to the product, have you on it for twelve years, and mercilessly blend your brain into goo to the point of no return. They’re introducing a drug to the youth populace as a gateway to their neo-Nazi ideologies.

I’ve seen it happen, man. My friends look like zombies, infected by information that overrides simple brain processes. When I ask them if they’re okay, their impure brain takes over, claiming that they’re “practicing for the SAT.” I know this is a lie. Why would anyone pass up the chance to hang with the almighty Ashhab of zero period?

So, I acted on my suspicions and began to research non-biased and pure websites such as Buzzfeed and Taboola, comparing them to corporate sites that once belonged to the government and have now turned to Mcdougal Littell. As I compared them, there was really no surface difference save for the incorrect facts on corporate sights. This was not enough for me, so I looked deeper. I put on my hackerman glasses as I opened up the HTML code using inspect element, the glasses instantly started running through lines of code on their own, making millions of calculations per second to decode the puzzle that is the website’s brain. It emitted a distinctive ding and a short sizzle reminiscent of when your pizza rolls are done in the microwave, signifying that the decoding had been completed.

I was in awe as I looked at the product of my hard work. All over the screen were various messages. No, pleas for help. Oh god, what have I uncovered? All the dots connected in my brain in that one moment as the facade faded away into dust. How could I not have predicted this from the very start? All those who fell victim to Mcdougal Littell were enslaved to create propaganda and websites, advertising false education. Seniors never finished high school and “went to college.” College doesn’t exist! Rather, after high school, they were knowingly shipped off to Mcdougal Littell facilities to polish up on their fascist trivia. It’s been this way for generations! They’ve been biding their time to have enough people to overthrow our government. Oh no, there’s knocking at my door. They know! Widely distribute the truth as much as you can. Mcdougal Littell is not to be trusted. As for me, I’m signing off. I promised my mom if I died, I’d complete my senten-