Journalism’s Infinity War

By Casey Swafford, Staff Writer

“Hear ye! Hear ye! Listen as I speak of the tyranny of the Ubiquity! The liars and deceivers who call themselves the editors of the school newspaper, that the majority of the school doesn’t know exists, have crossed the last line. These false idols, these fabulists whose only goal is to make a quick buck, are trying to destroy our way of life as we know it. These disgusting, greedy elites are trying to take away joy itself from this world we live in.”  

As I was imagining introductions such as that while being whipped into writing more false articles by our beloved editor-in-chief, Cody Wilson, and his other “editor” lackeys, I overheard something so diabolical it made Thanos’ work look like a little kid playing with an Easy Bake Oven. As the whips cracked against my back, I overheard the Journalism Supervisor, Mrs. Martinez, laughing on her golden throne as she planned her next step to destroy Quartz Hill. “Muahahahaha, now that I have finally gripped the students of Quartz Hill with my newspaper, I will finally be able to control them like the puppets they are, right… Sheehwa?” Mrs. Martinez looks beneath her throne at the recently elected interim editor-in-chief, who cowers at the blood red eyes of Martinez, “Yes… of course supreme ruler, you will finally have them like putty in your hands.” As I looked over, I saw a whiteboard with a relatively simple 3 step plan.

Step one: Create a newspaper that will control the school.

Step two: Destroy the Humor section of the newspaper and eliminate all happiness and laughter from earth.

Step three: After turning them into emotionless puppets with destruction of the humor section, order them all to loot and pillage the school, giving me all the profit they find.

What I saw brought tears to my eyes. How could someone use something so pure and innocent and turn it into a weapon of mass destruction?

After all these years of torment from journalism, I realized that this was the time to say ‘no’. This was the time to stop these agents of villainy once and for all. “ENOUGH!” I screamed, “You all will pay for your crimes against humanity!” The editors, in response to my resistance, tried to use their tried-and-true whips once again, however, I grabbed their whips mid-swing, pulled them all in and roundhoused them into the next quad. All that was left was Mrs. Martinez, arrogantly sitting on her throne, “Do you know what you are getting yourself into boy?”  I smirked, “ Oh I know exactly what I am about to get myself into: your destruction!” I then lept towards Mrs. Martinez with a dragon kick that would put Jackie Chan to shame. I began to fly at such an intense speed that my foot, itself, burst into flames; the fabled Flaming Dragon Kick has been attained once more. Mrs. Martinez reached out her hand, but before she could counter the kick, I made contact and the entire 300 quad was reduced to a mere crater.

I looked around to see nothing left of journalism or its dictator. Humanity and its humor section had been saved once again. However, before I could react, a fist came from the rubble covered ground and punched me across the ruined 300 quad. Not only had Mrs. Martinez survived, but she had the Infinity Gauntlet, each stone slot filled with its respective stone. She looked at me as I was held to the ground by the power of the Infinity Gauntlet, “You fool, you really thought you could stop my plan? However, do not fret, you will never see it come to fruition.’ I looked back at her with a smile, “Wait you are not going to go through with it?” “ No you idiot! What I’m saying is I am going to kill you. You will not see it happen because you are going to be dead.” The smile on my face faded, “Oh… hey wait that’s way worse!”

She clearly had enough talking and began to raise her fist, “Now… you will die!” I looked back and before the fist hit my face I said, “No you!” She flew back and landed across the war-torn 300 quad. She began to fade away into dust and disappeared, the Infinity Gauntlet laid there empty, and ownerless.

I began to walk away, knowing that evil had finally been triumphed by the forces of good. As I walked away heading home, I could not help but think I left something important on the battlefield. I stood there and thought about it and after a few seconds of contemplation, I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Nah,” and walked home a hero. Back at the 300 Quad, the Infinity Gauntlet laid in the ashes that were the former Ubiquity tyrants. A hand rose from a nearby pile of rubble and it belonged to none other than the interim editor-in-chief Sheehwa. She pushed her way out of the pile and crawled to the gauntlet and placed it on her hand. As she rose her eyes began to turn blood red. Each stone flashed – filled with immense power. She looked into the stones, seeing her reflection, “Fine… I’ll do it myself.” Lightning erupted from the sky and connected to the gauntlet, a mix of green, red, blue, purple, yellow and orange flash. Sheehwa is gone.    

Casey Swafford Will Return…