How To Be Joe Goldberg From You

By Shruthi Kumar, Arts and Entertainment Editor

We’ve all binged the You, the famed TV series about the fine line between romance and obsession. From this series, various memes have come about—but I’m about to give you the ultimate guide to being your own Joe Goldberg. 

  1. Get the apparel

Well, if you want the role of Joe, you’re going to have to work for it. That means, make a switch from whatever you’re wearing into the classic outfit. Try wearing regular jeans: the regular blue wash is good, but the dark wash is even better to blend into your surroundings. Stay away from ripped and faded jeans: your job is to not be noticeable. For the shirt, take solid color shirts with minimal designs. I’d suggest gray, white, and black: they’re regular monochromatic colors that aren’t noticeable. Finally, to top off the look, grab your world-famous blue baseball cap! No one will ever see you now. 

  1. Get your Guinevere Beck 

You’ve got the outfit. What’s next? Well, every stalker has their obsession. Joe’s just so happened to be Guinevere Beck, the blonde grad student that totally captured his attention in every way possible. Yours can be a bit different and a bit creepy. Say, you can be obsessed with Taco Bell Nacho Fries! (not sponsored). Remember that your life revolves around this, that your schedule is cleared to give your time to observe and relish your subject.

  1. Get the Meme Team 

What good are you as a stalker if you don’t even have your meme team? When Joe Goldberg hit the screen, thousands of stans took to Twitter, making various memes to immortalize him and his actions for eternity. The same needs to be done for you in order to give you the social media clout that you deserve. Make sure your actions are memeable. Your face should be seen on every single Instagram Explore feed, Twitter retweet, and Tumblr reblog. It seems kind of contradictory to the outfit step, doesn’t it? Good. 

  1. Get the Materials 

Finally, you have to get the materials in order to truly capture the whole stalker lifestyle. You need to get a hangout, a place to stay down when things get rough. Make sure to stock up on snacks in your fridge! When you’ve got this place squared away, make sure to invite a few people over! It’s always nice to share what you have with others. After all, Joe invited Delilah and Will…right?

  1. Disregard Any Aforementioned Steps 

Yes, you heard that right. It seems like the trends have changed. It is no longer cool or acceptable to be a stalker with an obsession, and thus anything and everything that has been stated by the aforementioned advice column should be disregarded. Now, stay tuned, because next week, we’ll be releasing a new guide to learn how to be Chandler Bing from Friends.