Establishing the Matriarchy: Part One

By Sophie Mbela, Staff Writer

AHHHHHHH! ​These ​are ​the ​war ​cries ​of ​our ​womanhood! ​Today, ​we ​break ​down ​the walls ​of ​patriarchy ​in ​our ​society ​and ​establish ​an ​almighty ​matriarchy, a new world order. ​Obviously, ​this ​is ​the best ​kind ​of ​system. ​Just ​look ​at ​African ​tribes ​and ​seahorses. ​Their ​societies ​are ​run ​by females ​and ​everything ​is ​going ​just ​fine, ​considering ​none ​have ​gone ​extinct. ​Anyway, why ​should ​we ​have ​a ​matriarchy? ​Because ​of ​three ​things:

  1. We ​have ​been ​disrespected ​for ​too ​long ​#giveusrespect
  2. We ​practically ​control ​the ​world ​#weareamazing
  3. We ​are ​tougher ​than ​nails! ​#wearestrong

Females ​have ​undergone ​much ​mistreatment. ​We ​have ​been ​beat ​up, ​lied ​to, ​stolen ​from, and ​brought ​down ​too ​many ​times. ​Will ​I ​go ​wash ​the ​dishes? ​HECK ​NO. ​Will ​I ​go ​do ​your laundry? ​UHH…​YOU ​HAVE ​TWO ​HANDS, ​RIGHT?! ​Will ​I ​stay ​home ​and ​watch ​the ​kids ​while you ​go ​to ​work? ​NOPE, ​THEY’RE ​YOUR ​KIDS ​TOO! ​We ​are ​sick ​and ​tired ​of ​being ​mistreated just ​because ​we ​are ​the ​opposite ​gender. ​Do ​you ​know ​how ​stupid ​sexists ​sound?

​(In ​my pastor’s ​voice) ​“I ​think ​women ​can’t ​do ​anything ​because ​they’re ​women.” ​Uhhh ​okay. ​You just ​lost ​half ​of ​your ​congregation ​Mr. ​Preacher. Good ​luck ​getting ​a ​wife!

Females ​are ​amazing. ​Just ​as ​Queen ​B’s (Beyoncé’s) ​song “Run the World (Girls),” ​we ​are ​“strong ​enough ​to ​bear ​the ​children then ​get ​back ​to ​business.” ​Men ​can’t ​do ​that. ​Primarily ​because ​they ​do ​not ​have ​the ​beautiful power ​to ​bear ​children. ​Secondly, ​some ​of ​them ​act ​like ​a ​bunch ​of ​wimps. ​They ​see ​blood and ​want to ​pass ​out. ​And ​we’re ​supposed ​to ​let ​them ​lead?? ​ I ​don’t ​know ​about ​y’all…but ​I ​think ​not.

Females ​are ​tough – ​tougher ​than ​Floyd ​Mayweather. ​Our ​bodies ​are ​constantly ​hurting. ​We have ​to ​go ​through ​periods, ​child ​birth, ​and ​all ​the ​after ​effects. ​Now ​that ​I’ve ​put ​the ​word “period” ​in ​this ​paragraph, ​I ​know ​some ​guy ​is ​going ​to ​go ​pass ​out ​in ​his ​backyard ​or something. Ha. ​Please, women are far superior and should be the ones in control of society. #femalestogetherstrong