The Ubiquity

Are Teachers Human?

Picture by Sophie Mbela

Picture by Sophie Mbela

By Sophie Mbela, Staff Writer

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Teachers. They are an unusual species. Why would someone willingly spend their days teaching ungrateful adolescents? They’re just like boogers. They’re disgusting, but a little bit lovable on the inside. I should know because boogers are a delicacy for young children. Anyway, teachers have to deal with horrible attitudes, singing grams, insufficient pay, and just a bunch of awful odors. With all of these negative aspects, no sane person would want to be a teacher. That means teachers are either:

  1. Angels
  2. Insane
  3. Robots
  4. Prison guards
  5. Demons

I’ll let you decide.

None of these are surprising characteristics for teachers, except for ‘demons,’ but that is a highly debatable topic. Anyway, they have had to deal with many obstacles. For example, keeping the classroom clean is a hassle and making sure that substitute teachers can read direction is another worry that many teachers must take on. They also have to deal with the wonderfully creative minds of their students and the respectful and “protective” actions of the parents.

Students come in a wide variety. There are those that think the earth is round and then there are those that don’t even know what the earth is! Oh, and how can we forget the students that love playing “Beyond Scared Straight” so much that they jump gates in order to escape the prison-like feel of school. With all of these differences, teachers have to try and keep an organized classroom or succumb to the aggressive nature of some students while also “trying” to stay calm. Teachers face hell at both school and home, where they must grade leftover tests or homework. It is a vicious and inescapable cycle. They leave the stressful classroom situation just to end up roasting their students’ exams on www.ratemystudents.com or even YouTube.

 

Then there are the parents. The crazy mom or dad that thinks their child is the best in the entire world, like their child is some type of  WWE wrestler. To them, “Johnny could never cheat on a test because he has integrity and studies hard.” In reality, he is a lazy sack of potato chips that doesn’t even know what day it is. In fact, Johnny would rather cheat in the most obvious way than put in the effort to at least be discrete. That is the true A+ behavior of “Honest Johnny,” but parents can NEVER believe this. If a teacher so much as drops Johnny’s grade 0.001%, the parents are there in a flash to either:

  1. Bribe/Bargain
  2. Scream
  3. Threaten

(in that specific order)

And do you want to know something crazy? THE TEACHER STILL COMES IN TO WORK THE VERY NEXT DAY!

Thus, I have concluded that teachers can’t be real. They are a combination of answers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.

 

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