Overcrowding in QH

Picture by Ashhab Ibrahim

By Ashhab Ibrahim, Staff Writer

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On one fine morning like any other, the bell rang, and I was making my way to my next class after snack. Such a simple task is seemingly elementary, but in this specific case, is almost always impossible to accomplish. This is due to a guarding entity so gigantic, monstrous, and powerful that blood tributes must be made to it for the safety of the commonwealth. 

The fabled “Main Quad” is the supposed center of discussion and commerce at Quartz Hill. It becomes necessary to take the route through this main quad to get to any class in the 100 quad in a timely manner. 

So I stood there, my fate sealed as I approached the large human meat grinder. I moved forward and the mass of people seemed to get thicker and thicker until dodging was not an option. “This is it,” I said, ”My life is going to end with me stuck in a human car wash.” By the second, paths of travel were being closed off by the discordant people, and I was being closed in on. GG, good game, well played, garbage teammates. 

At this point, school has just kicked off, but something this year is worse than others. It’s evidently crowded, totaling to nearly 3,300 students and staff on campus, and some of these fools are oblivious on how and where to exist, though they usually decide to join the crowd of degeneracy in the main quad at some point.  Lunch often grinds down to 100% of my time being wasted waiting in line to get my food (the food is 6/10 btw), and diddling my fingers until something takes me off this god forbidden earth. 

Perhaps the worst sin of all within our ragtag school is the… TRAFFIC! Where to get started with this… have you ever watched World War Z? I mean, it’s pretty much the same thing, right? You’d think they’d have a traffic guard for such a large and winding parking lot, yet the form of mediation is stubborness and multiple angry beeps to rally children into cars. 

I mean, it’s not so much of a problem for me, seeing as I’m the sole existing resident of the Quartz Hill 400 quad bathroom. But the rest of the peasants should be stuck watching a PowerPoint of 600 slides on how their parents will arrive and take them home. At this point, I am fairly sure the Quartz Hill traffic has become its own entity and a posterboy for anarchy and poor planning. Every change made to the campus seems to slowly be accommodating everyone, but not nearly as fast enough. The population still continues to rise.
OK, so the solution is outsourcing all of our extra students into Canada. I mean, it would probably not work, but what other option do we have, a cleansing via water balloon fight? On second thought, that doesn’t sound too bad…

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