Like most other people, I listen to a lot of music, and when I hear that music, I shuffle my library. And I do not know if Spotify has this problem, but Apple Music has an awful shuffle button. I have infamously bad luck, but even my worst luck is not bad enough to explain some of the shenanigans that the shuffle button plays on me.

Last week, I played all of my saved songs that fit into the alternative genre. This selection of songs spans over one hundred albums and 194 songs, and I wanted to start with a song that I had not listened to in a while. I pressed the shuffle button, and the first song was one that I hear somewhat often. So I pressed the shuffle button a second time. My phone started playing the same song. I reshuffled the songs, and the same song came up. How does that EVEN HAPPEN? And I did the math. What happened to me is only one possibility out of 7,301,384. I will not accept that my luck is that bad. This is definitely the worst thing that Apple Music has done to me in the past two years, but there are a lot of smaller issues with how the shuffle button will sometimes have a string of songs in the exact same order even after reshuffling. The lousy shuffling has become so consistent, as of late, that I am noticing it more than usual, and it irks me so much.

When I express my unreasonably powerful grievances against the Apple Music shuffle button to some of my friends, a few of them say, “Oh, but couldn’t you just reorganize some of the songs yourself?” But, if I have to organize the songs myself, what is the point of the shuffle button? The point of the shuffle button is to make my life easier, and, usually, the button is excellent. It randomizes my songs, and I have a lovely time. But the random occurrences are what makes my brain hurt. So, yes: I could reorganize my songs when the shuffle button acts up, but I also should not have to.

Now, I obviously do not think that Apple Music is out to get me … but I totally do. In my brain, I know that the shuffle button is entirely random and that my luck is just incredibly bad. But in my heart, I feel attacked.