Maltese Poodle Caught Plotting a Murder

We all experience and deal with stress, but for one Maltese poodle, the pressure led her on a path to murder. After local police received a tip from an anonymous source concerning suspicious behavior, it was only a matter of time before Coco’s schemes were uncovered. A SWAT team went to ambush the family’s house, and ten minutes later, the dog was in cuffs. 

Picture by Tiffani Pe

At first glance, the scene was empty with nothing out of the ordinary — until one curious police officer tripped on a hole in the ground. “First, it just looked like they had groundhog issues with all the holes around, but when I tripped, I fell and got a good look inside. Next thing you know, we’re pulling out evidence from every nook and cranny,” said first-year Officer Cohen. Hundreds of photos were excavated portraying images of local dogs who have wronged Coco and a few obnoxious owners that said she looked like a “rat.” The faces in every photo were either torn apart or covered in red sharpie. Most were rolled up and hidden inside fake bones, while a few were hidden underneath the dog house. Rookie move, Coco. They always look under the bed first.

We went back and forth with the authorities for weeks, begging for a short interview. Finally, they obliged last Thursday night. When asked why she did all this and what the overall outcome of her actions would have been, she gave an honest answer. “Everyone hates small dogs, especially people that call us ‘white and crusty.’ Well, one day, I was on a walk when a [redacted] golden retriever was walking by and holding his nose up as if to say he’s better than me and I….snapped.” Further investigation led the dog to confess the entire scheme in detail. She had burrowed holes underneath a local store and stolen weapons. “It actually wasn’t that hard. They’re like right there; I mean, anyone can just grab one. I expected it to take a while, but I ended up being three days ahead of schedule.” How can a small dog have such a large number of enemies? If it weren’t for one rookie officer, the town would be 103 dogs short today. 

Picture by Diego Caceres

As many attempted to put the shocking events behind them, new evidence revealed the anonymous source. One golden retriever had called the tipline when his owners were at work. “It was kinda obvious that she was plotting murder. I walked by every day, and she would always mutter, ‘I’m plotting your murder.’ At some point, I stopped looking her in the eyes.” Since no one believed Brody, the golden retriever, he took matters into his own paws. Thanks to him and Officer Cohen, the world is a safer place. Small dogs may seem cute, but we must stay vigilant and aware. See something, say something.