BREAKING NEWS: Quartz Hill and Highland Combine to Form ONE SCHOOL

By Sheehwa You, Copy Editor

After receiving innumerable complaints about the toxic competition and fights between Highland High School and Quartz Hill High School students, parents, and staff, the district administration finally decided to make a change for the better. It has been decided that the two schools will merge together, forming High on Quartz Land Hill High School.

The Rebel response to the solution has been mixed, to say the least. Some are in complete shock, as they have been raised since birth to demolish the dreams of any and all bulldogs, even those of which that are not necessarily associated with the once enemy school. Others are embracing the idea and taking advantage of it by stuffing their duffel bags full of chip and candy contraband to account for the influx of new potential customers. Still others are completely opposed to the idea and have already begun to separate the school with chalk into halves, making sure not to include any restrooms or cafeterias on the former Highlanders’ side.

Regardless of the response, admin is set on Gorilla Glue-ing the schools together. This is mainly because they are tired of the 24/7 complaints about the nighttime rap battles and tic-tac-toe throw downs that the two schools constantly compete in against each other. They believe that through this change, the students will come to accept the fact that they are now of the same family, and that there is no need for hate and competition. <3

Despite the solidity of this decision, there are still a few factors that must be decided before any action toward the creation of the new school can take place. The location of the new school is still yet to be decided, however, it is rumored that administration is leaning toward the cost effective solution of demolishing everything between the two schools and replacing what was once there with a superhighway. Also, they are letting the students decide whether the new mascot should be a rebellious emo bulldog named Bark-182, or an anthropomorphic cross between a bulldog and our beloved human Johnny Rebel named John-dog.

Regardless, students are essentially powerless to the ‘Now Kiss!’ situation currently being enforced by admin. Whether or not High on Quartz Land Hill High School breaks out into an all out war, your friendly neighborhood HQLHHS Ubiquity kindly reminds you to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, and that this was published on April first. Do what you will with that information.